how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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