..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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