You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
