I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
