you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
