Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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