The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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