I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
