dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
