dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
