I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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