So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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