I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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