she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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