i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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