What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
