I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
