Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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