The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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