um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
