Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
