I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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