...so i touched it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
