id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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