I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
