Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
