too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
