u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
