In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
