I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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