i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
