Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
