I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
