i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My bed smells like the plague
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
