in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
