Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
