Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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