Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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