I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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