i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
