Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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