I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
