he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
