If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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