Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
