I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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