i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
