just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
