the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
