She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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